


Scars

by theimpossiblegeekygrrl



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Digital Art, F/M, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Healing, Illustrations, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Scars, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-22
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-23 19:27:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20345458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theimpossiblegeekygrrl/pseuds/theimpossiblegeekygrrl
Summary: He regarded her, his dark eyes burning into her as though he could see her very thoughts. Hoping he could, she thought about their odd relationship, and of the butterflies she felt when he was in the room. Perhaps it was a developing crush, or even just comradery. Whatever it was, she wasn't ready to let it go.





	1. Beginnings

Lavender lay in her bed in the hospital wing, exhausted after the long day of treatments. She must have slept, for when she rolled over she saw someone was sleeping in the next bed over. After rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she grabbed her wand and lit her lantern. Eyes widening, she saw Professor Snape, his own terrible wound visible for any eye to see.

She touched her own neck, covered by a bright pink scarf, and shivered, knowing the kind of night he must be having.

"A knut for your thoughts, Miss Brown?"

"I… Errr, I was just going back to sleep, sir," Lavender lied, rolling back over. "Nox." 

"How stupid do you think I am? Lux," he said, lighting his lantern.

"Sorry," she said, rolling back to him.

He frowned. "Since you've seen this," he said, pointing to his neck, "Let's dispense with formalities."

"I can't call you Severus," she said, horrified.

"You can here," he said, shrugging. "Lavender, isn't it?"

She nodded, sitting up in bed and pulling the blankets up to her chin. 

"You've seen mine. Off with the scarf."

"I can't," she whispered, touching her fingertips to the scarf Parvati had given her.

"What are you afraid of? I'm not some boy chasing after your skirt; I'm your teacher," he sneered, causing her to cringe.

"Not this year. I've had enough Defense to last the rest of my life," she sniffled, then sobbed as the memories returned.

He hesitated, then sighed and rose from his bed, sitting with her and holding her hand. "If you tell a soul about this, I'll start a rumour about you and Zabini."

Despite her tears, she looked up at him and laughed.

He returned the next night even though he had recovered, holding a plate covered by a silver cloche. 

"I thought you might want more than the fortified broths Poppy is so fond of dishing out," Severus said with a wink.

Lavender grinned as she lifted the dome and saw crispy, roasted potatoes, green beans, pudding accompanying the most succulent piece of ultra-rare roast beef she'd ever seen. She devoured it with her eyes before she hungrily tucked in.

"How did you know?" she asked, covering her full mouth.

"I have my ways," he said, smiling softly.

* * *

Lavender hadn't seen him in two weeks. She was finally well enough to leave the Hospital Wing. Between attending classes and resting as much as possible, the only people she saw were her dorm mates and professors.

It had grown cold. An early snow covered the grounds of the school, hiding the scars of the Battle. She shivered as she climbed the steps to her dorm. Sighing, she sat her books on the bedside table and secured the pink scarf tighter around her neck. When she finally noticed the thin box on her trunk, she was too tired to even open it.

Her night was filled with bad dreams of the night she almost died. She touched her neck when she woke, glad to know she hadn't ripped her scarf away. In her dreams, she'd grabbed for her neck, gasping for breath as the blood poured from her wounds. Even though she was surrounded by thick, red velvet curtains, she didn't want to take the risk of someone seeing the horrible scars. 

When she finally got out of bed, she saw her present was still where she left it the evening before. She opened the box, and squealed with delight. Inside was a purple silk scarf, run through with strands of silver.

Lavender pulled her hair up today, wanting to show off the pretty gift she knew had come from Ron. Even if they weren't dating now, he was still very sweet to her. He and his family had visited her almost every day when she had been at St. Mungo's. She'd even been part of Fred's memorial, letting go of a mischievous Cornish Pixie along with the rest of a large group of family and friends. 

She'd had to send Ron a note, and his Mum too. Molly surely had helped him choose it.

For the first time this term, she smiled when she looked in the mirror. 

* * *

_Lavender,_

_Thank you so much for your sweet note dear girl. We are doing just fine at The Burrow. Ron is determined to move into that sad house at 12 Grimmauld Place with Harry, but I'm going to try to keep them home a little while longer. _

_I wish Ron or I had been the ones to send you the scarf you described, but I'm sad to admit it wasn't either of us. It sounds like you must have a secret admirer. How fun! Tell me when you find out who it is, won't you?_

_Lots of love,_

_Molly_

* * *

She was back in the Hospital Wing. Lavender started to ponder bringing her trunk up and making this place her home. With the recurring fevers, pain, and terrible sickness that came with every full moon… It would make sense, really.

Madam Pomfrey placed dividers around her bedside today so that she could take off her scarf and let the scars get a bit of "air and sunshine". She felt isolated behind the sickly green curtains, hearing the bustle of the ward around her.

When she woke from a brief nap Professor Snape was sitting next to her bed, studying her. 

Lavender put her hands to her neck, trying to cover herself as best she could. But the scars were so big, and her hands so small.

"If it makes you feel better…" he drawled, unbuttoning the top buttons of his coat and shirt. 

He removed his cravat with a flourish and put it in his pocket.

It did make her feel better. Equal ground. She moved her hands down to her lap and stared at them a minute before looking back up. Professor Snape was touching the scarf on the bedside table.

"It suits you," he sighed. "Perfectly."

"I have a secret admirer," she said, blushing as she said the words out loud for the first time. "It came several weeks ago with no note." 

His eyebrows twitched before he turned back to her. "I'm sure you have admirers that aren't so secret, don't you?" 

Lavender couldn't figure out how to reply. She'd never spoken to a professor this informally – and it was Professor Snape!

Trying to choose her words with care, she replied, "Not recently, sir."

"Formalities?" he smirked, motioning between their necks. 

"Severus," she said, blushing deeper.

"Lavender," he said slowly.

She felt a twinge in her stomach, as though a butterfly had been set loose.

"How long will you be here this time?" he asked. 

Lavender shrugged as she drew the blanket around her legs, hoping it was just the cool air that made her shiver. “With the full moon coming, Madam Pomfrey will probably keep me through the end of the week. What about you?"

Severus's eyes flickered when she mentioned the moon, but he otherwise showed no emotion when he said, "I'm not admitted." 

"Then why are you here?" she asked. 

"Visiting pretty girls, I suppose," he said. His eyes flickered again when he rose from his seat. "Good afternoon, Lavender."

* * *

Tomorrow was going to be the full moon. Even though the consequences of her bite could have been far worse, it didn't stop Lavender from wishing that she were completely well and would not have to suffer.

She tossed her revisions aside when she felt the nausea rise. "Madam Pomfrey?"

"What is it dear?" 

The Mediwitch appeared promptly, as though she had been waiting for Lavender to speak.

"It's starting," Lavender said as she lay back on the pillow.

Madam Pomfrey nodded and disappeared, bringing back a goblet filled with a potion.

"We're going to try something new. Professor Snape made it just for you."

* * *

It worked.

Merciful Morgana, the potion worked!

Lavender couldn't remember the last time she'd felt this good. She stretched her limbs as the sun rose through the Hospital Wing, almost feeling like the silly girl she'd been in the years before the Battle. Curious about what all the potion might heal, she grabbed her little silver mirror from her night stand and gazed at her neck. 

The scars were still there, glaring back at her.

She nodded and gave them a quick smile before putting the mirror away.

This wasn't going to beat her anymore. 

Thanks to Professor Snape.

* * *

Lavender went to his office on the third floor, climbing up the small flight of steps with ease. She had ignored the looks from her classmates as she entered the empty classroom and shut the door. She felt better than she had since the night of the Battle, and it was only right to thank the man responsible. Knocking on his office door, she decided that perhaps he wasn't in there at all. There was no sound coming from within, and there was no light coming from underneath.

"Enter!"

She jumped and went inside.

He was standing by the opened window, staring out into the rainy and slightly foggy sky outside. Before he looked up he had an expression of utter blankness, as though he were waiting to be innervated by a spell. But when Lavender cleared her voice he looked up, his lip cracking into the semblance of a smile.

"I take it that it worked?"

She nodded and smiled back.

He motioned for her to sit in the small chair in front of his desk, though he continued to lean against the window sill. "I'll make it every month."

"Thank you, sir." 

"_Severus_," he said, that cracked smile still present. 

"Severus," Lavender repeated, touching her purple scarf briefly as her scars twinged.

"Take it off, let me look at them," he ordered, in the soft voice she remembered from class.

Willing her hands not to shake as the twinge turned into a throb, she did so quietly. He walked around his desk and kneeled next to her, then touched her neck with his bare hands while speaking soft incantations she'd never heard before. Severus's hands were cool and light against her skin, like the sweet balms Madam Pomfrey made for her. Lavender moaned before she could stop herself. As soon as the sound left her mouth, the pain was gone. As were his lovely hands and the soft voice that had been so close to her ear. Lavender shivered, now realizing just how cool the room was without Severus so close to her. But he had gone back to the window, back to his blankness. She wondered idly if he was thinking about Harry's mum.

"I'll ask Poppy to teach you those charms," he said, not turning to meet her eye.

"Could I learn from you?"

He shook his head, still not turning back around. "I'm leaving tomorrow."

"Will you be back soon?" Lavender asked warily.

"No. I'm leaving for good. Bill Weasley will be the new Dark Arts Professor," he said, as though it didn't even matter. 

"Why?"

"I should have never come back, even for the short amount of time," he sighed. "But a successor has been found, and now it is finally finished."

"I…" she swallowed and looked at her hands, unsure of what to say. "I'll miss you."

Severus finally looked up then, his sharp eyes just catching hers. "I'll send you the potion every month."

She fought back her tears fiercely.

"I'll still miss _you_." Lavender's words were choppy with the effort not to cry.

"And I you," he said, his voice so low she could barely hear him. 

She stood and walked to the window next to him, gasping when she realized what he had been gazing at.

Severus had a nearly perfect view of Professor Dumbledore's tomb. It must have been awful to see, day in and out. Just like it must be completely terrible to have to stay here at the school after all he had done.

She touched his arm, just above where his Mark would be. 

"May I visit you after school is over?"

Severus nodded. "We'll have to set up deliveries for the potion once you leave. And I suppose that would require a visit."

She nodded, blushing a little when she said, "What if it required two?" 

He regarded her, his dark eyes burning into her as though he could see her very thoughts. Hoping he could, she thought about their odd relationship, and of the butterflies she felt when he was in the room. Perhaps it was a developing crush, or even just comradery. Whatever it was, she wasn't ready to let it go.

'Kiss me, just once,' she thought, so confused about her feelings that her head was beginning to spin.

As though he could hear her, and understood her conflicted emotions, he placed his hands on either side of her face, rubbing his thumbs along the thin line of tears that fell from her eyes. Then he kissed her, and all the butterflies started to flap wildly, making her want to giggle and cry and groan all at once. His lips moulded to hers briefly, his tongue barely touching her lower lip before he pulled away and sighed, still caressing her face. 

"I've bought a shop in Knockturn Alley. Come to me, when you are ready."

Lavender nodded, taking in every word. If she wasn't ready, she could always send him an owl with her address to deliver the potion to. But if she was – _when_she was – ready for him… She would proudly walk into Knockturn Alley. 

She could see his scar, just above his high, starched collar. Leaning forward, she kissed it lightly before letting him go.

"I'll see you this summer… Severus," she said.  
  
Who knew what the butterflies might bring with a change of the season?


	2. Changelings

The cool, wet air whipped around her, and Lavender’s once stylish boots were now sodden with the remnants of the afternoon rain. The puddles hadn’t bothered her when she first fled Madam Malkin’s store, but anger had fuelled the quick escape. Nothing but a wall of Fiendfyre would have stopped her, until the tears began. Now, wandering through Knockturn Alley, her toes were starting to freeze.  
  
“_Achoo_!” Lavender sneezed.   
  
With a groan, she realized she was catching cold and wished she had bottle of Pepperup in the sleek bag her father had bought her especially for this day. Her eyes began to sting again, and it wasn’t from the burgeoning illness.  
  
“_Ohhhh!_ Bugger, damn and blast!” The words escaped her mouth before she had a chance to contain them, and she quickly looked around to make sure no one had heard her. No one had – the street was surprisingly empty for this time of day. The shops ahead didn’t look familiar, but then again this was the first time she had walked through Knockturn Alley without her parents at her side. It was only her first day of work after all, one week after her graduation from Hogwarts.  


* * *

  
A feeling much like misery surrounded her like the morning fog.  
  
_“You simply must put on a scarf or… something! Miss Brown, no one wants to see those monstrous ropes on your neck!”_  
  
Madam’s shrill voice had pierced her heart, wounding her until Lavender saw nothing but red. Her temper was on a hair string that grew with the waxing moon. It had taken all the grace her grandmother had taught her not to lash out at her employer with rage. Instead of screaming and clawing at the woman’s eyes, she forced a smile and said, “Then consider these words my notice. I _won’t_be back. Not ever! Not for a woman whose pure, unblemished skin shows she never fought for the Order!”  


* * *

  
The sun was beginning to set. Lavender could just see the moon, only five days from being full. She’d sent an owl to Severus a month ago, telling him she would be coming to him. It was why she had stayed in England after all, instead of running to the promising jobs on L’Avenue Magie with Parvati. 

  
He’d never answered, not really. An appointment card had arrived by owl, with his Apprentice’s name scrawled along the bottom. She wasn’t due yet for her visit, not until the morning of the full moon.   


* * *

  
Severus had been in her thoughts, ever since he left the school last year.   
  
There’d been no formality in his exit, nor did she assume he’d wish there to be. One morning he’d been at his seat at the Head Table, drinking coffee and eating his toast dry. Then he was gone, his seat occupied by Bill Weasley, who looked as though he were trying to out eat all his brothers combined.  
  
Lavender had looked to Parvati, the only person with whom she’d shared her secret connection to Severus. Tears started to blur her vision – tears she quickly wiped away before her friend could say anything untoward. Parvati had not forgiven the man for the last year. Few had. She’d chastened Lavender on more than one occasion, telling her not to give any piece of her heart away to such a callous man.   
  
The butterflies that had once taken wing had slowly stilled. It had been the only way she could manage the rest of the school year. 

* * *

  
Lavender’s heels clacked on the cobblestones, and the occasional sniffle from her running nose were the only sounds on the street. She walked up to Severus’s shop as though she had always known the path. The lamp outside was a beacon, summoning her to the door. It wasn’t until she stood at the entrance that she saw the sign, written in a familiar copperplate hand.

  
“By Appointment Only. S Snape.”  
  
  
  
She could see her face reflected everywhere: the door, the store front, the muddy puddles at her feet. Soft light illuminated the shine of her hair… and lustre of the heavy scars on her neck.  
  
With a heavy thump, she leaned against the door and traced her finger along the grain of the wood, unable to stop the new tears flowing from her eyes.  
  
“Mind the sign!” a hoarse voice bellowed.  
  
Lavender pitched forward as the door opened, and into a strong pair of arms. When she looked up, she smiled for the first time since the morning. The man holding her, dressed in a simple black jumper and slacks, was Severus.  


* * *

  
The Pepperup tickled her throat, and after the steam cleared she accepted a cup of herbal tea.   
  
“It’s my own creation. If you don’t like it, I have some Irish breakfast upstairs in the kitchen. I’ve found this is better, when my customers are already ill,” he said. Severus caught her eyes as she took a sip, and she smiled as the clean notes of lemon and orange filled her mouth.  
  
“I like it,” she yawned. Exhaustion was beginning to creep in, despite the potion and hot tea. She let her back touch the warm leather of the chair, fighting the urge to crawl into its comfort like a kitten.  
  
His lips twisted briefly. “I was wondering when you would come. What I didn’t expect was for you to fall through my door.”  
  
“I was waiting for my appointed day, sir.” She couldn’t disguise the hurt in her voice, nor did she care to.   
  
“What?” Severus started pulling at the neck of his jumper, reflexively pulling it down so that every part of his own scar was visible.  
  
She frowned. “I received this in the mail, from your apprentice. I thought you knew.”  
  
“No,” he said. “As a matter of fact, I did not. Ridiculous mistakes like that is what cost him his position, just last week.”  
  
“You never received my letter?” Lavender’s heart began to swell.  
  
“I should have hexed that bastard right after giving him the boot,” he muttered. He moved to her side, kneeling and taking the cup from her hands. “I will search his desk for your letter, my girl, but believe me when I say that if I’d received it, you’d have received an owl directly from me.”  
  
“Oh,” she breathed.   
  
“How long have you been walking in these?” he asked. His eyes had gone to her feet, now seeing her water-logged boots and mud splatter tights.  
  
“I… Since I quit my job this morning. Madam Malkin didn’t want me. Well, she wanted me, but not all of me,” she said, her fingers going to her neck. “I’ve finally gotten used to leaving my neck bare. I won’t go back to hiding them.”  
  
His eyes were blank when he looked up to her face, and his voice was so cold that it sent a shiver through her. “Nor should you. That woman has no idea what she lost.”  
  
“I know what I lost!” A sob burst through her resolve, and she turned away as fresh tears pricked her vision. “All I wanted was to learn how to run a successful business. Support myself – have a place of my own. And now--”  
  
“Now you know you picked the wrong teacher.” He removed her boots, setting them by the fire. She looked down at her toes, hissing as the heat woke them up.  
  
“I know the owner of Twilfitt’s, if you want to learn from the best robe makers. And I know for a fact that Philip wears his own scars with pride.” Her right foot was in his hand, and she had to hold her breath to keep from whimpering as he rubbed her toes back to life.  
  
“_Ohhh_!” A moan left her lips despite her care, and she flushed with embarrassment.   
  
Something like a smile turned the corners of Severus’s mouth as he started on the other foot.  
  
“How could I refuse?” she asked, biting her bottom lip as his hands caressed her ankle.  
  
“Or… Well, you could work for me.” He said the words casually, and for a moment Lavender wondered if he was serious. She saw past the façade quickly, seeing the rigidity in his previously relaxed shoulders. “I can teach you about building a business, though perhaps not the finer art of fashion.”  
  
There was a piece of hair falling lankly over his forehead, blocking her view of his eyes. Leaning forward, Lavender brushed it away, seeing the glint of the flames and of her own face reflected in them.   
  
“I want to own a Tea Shop, Severus,” she said, now shy. “But not like Madam Puddifoot’s. I want something more casual and less…”  
  
“Pink?”   
  
She smiled and nodded. “There isn’t one in Diagon Alley now, not since my fifth year. I want to let people taste teas from all over the world. Have a place to stop for a nice cuppa after work and purchase the leaves for home. Maybe have a quick reading, if they’d like. I did get a NEWT in Divination. An O, actually.”  
  
He’d stopped rubbing her feet, though held them in his hands. Lavender hadn’t noticed how warm the room had gotten. She pushed at the sleeves of her sweater, needing some cooler air on her skin.  
  
“I know little about tea, and less about Divination,” he admitted. “But I can teach you to tally accounts and keep the lamps in oil.”  
  
“Why?” she asked.  
  
He stared at her for a moment before responding. “I don’t want my shop to only be open for appointments. And a friendly, pretty face in the front… I can’t imagine who wouldn’t stop in with you smiling at the window.”  
  
“You don’t think these would scare half of your customers away?” she said. Her voice was as light as she could manage, but the morning had stolen away some of her hard-earned confidence.  
  
“Mine haven’t,” he said.  


* * *

  
She must have dozed.   
  
After feeding her a light supper of lentil soup and brown bread, he’d given her his ledgers. She’d sat by the fire, looking through his accounts as he read from ancient potions books and made copious notes. Now, opening her eyes, she saw that all their work was gone, and she was covered with a blanket that smelled of fresh, herbal soap. She sighed, stretching her arms and legs as she looked around. It was dark outside, and the fire was the only light in the room.  
  
_My parents_. They would be worried by now, as she had promised to check in after her first day. Lavender stood, looking around the mantel for Floo Powder.   
  
“I sent them an express owl.” Severus walked down the stairs, a dark coat in his arms.   
  
“You didn’t tell them that Madam – “  
  
“I did manage to leave that part out, yes,” he said. “I let them know that you came in early for your appointment with me, and I gave you an offer you couldn’t refuse.”  
  
“An apprentice’s salary for being a shop girl,” she said. “Too good to be true.”  
  
“An apprentice’s salary for learning your trade on the job,” he said, shrugging. He held his coat out to her, helping her put it on. “The rain brought in a cool night. I’ll walk you home, if you’d like.”  


* * *

  
Her little flat was in a wizard’s neighbourhood a few city blocks from Diagon Alley. They had chosen to walk instead of Apparate and at some point, he’d grabbed her hand, enveloping it in her own. It felt so natural that she hadn’t noticed.  
  
“This is me,” she whispered. Touching the wood above the doorknob with her finger, she whispered, ‘_Alohomora_.’ The locks clicked, and the door opened a few inches. She kept looking ahead, afraid she would lose her confidence. “If… I, um, I have tea and elf made wine, if you’d like to come in.”  
  
His intake of breath was sharp, and he hesitated before speaking, “Not tonight, dear girl.”  
  
She closed her eyes and nodded, trying not to feel defeated. But then his hands went to her waist, pulling her to him. His fingers stroked the scarf tied around her waist. It was the same one he gave her in the Hospital Wing, that she used to wear round her neck every day. She still wore it daily, though she no longer used it to hide who she had become. That thought bolstered her, and she looked up, opening her eyes.   
  
“But that doesn’t mean I won’t kiss you goodnight.”   
  
Lavender could hear the smile in his voice, and as his lips met hers she felt it against her mouth. There was something else too, something hard and hot against her belly, and the sensation made her shiver, made the delicate wings open again and take flight.


End file.
